Since this is the week of Valentine’s Day I want to talk briefly about connections. Seems to me we often think of connections in romantic terms, but right now, especially when we have to be our most resilient and creative to be successful, it would seem building business connections would be a pretty smart thing to do.
I just read an article on the movie Up in the Air, starring George Clooney as a man who lives a connection-free life. The article stated that Sheldon Turner, who co-wrote the screenplay, said the film speaks to the disconnect and insulation of our times. And if indeed there may be disconnect in our lives, then it would seem logical that the more we can connect with others and build relationships through understanding, the more we’ll work effectively together and at the same time grow our businesses.
A couple of days ago I attended a program where the speaker asked everyone in the audience to stand and face one direction, put their hands on the person in front of them and massage their shoulders. After a minute everyone was to turn the opposite direction and return the favor. I expected people to be standoffish or a little put out by being somewhat forced to touch a stranger, but the reaction in the room was just the opposite. Amazingly I saw close to 100 people began to smile during this exercise. We like connections!
Perhaps Sheldon Turner is right, and if that’s the case then the more we learn how to reach people, the more we can work synergistically with each other and collaborate based on respect and feeling valued.
And that’s where the Omni-Linguistic model comes in. Building on the blogs for the last two weeks, I’d like to talk about a really wonderful individual that I call the Rock. These are probably the nicest people you’ll ever find in an office environment, or anywhere else for that matter. They don’t need the attention of the Meteor, they don’t shove you out of the way like the lovable Judges (just kidding) and they are fabulous listeners. This temperament is designed to be counselors, nurses and therapists; in other words they know how to empathize, they listen, and they can be great friends or colleagues.
The Rock can have high estrogen activity in the brain, promoting connection seeking. And while the Rock can be a wonderful person, a great team player, a hard worker and respected by all, there can be some big challenges if you work with a Rock. Rocks need to be understood, be appreciated and most importantly, be accepted. They tend to think rationally, and are tuned to what’s going on around them but will seldom tell you what’s on their mind, especially if it’s confrontational. Therefore if they get fed up over something they will clam up and you will have to work twice as hard to find out what’s really going on.
Upside of a Rock: They are really good listeners, they are encouraging, and if you are working together they will probably want to do the lion’s share because they don’t like to burden others (or delegate). They will remember important dates, know the name of your children or spouse, and be a reliable, steady person to work with.
Downside of a Rock: Because they are fair-minded, they seek to create harmony among others which means they will avoid conflict. If, for instance, you come to a Rock with specific issues the first comment might be, “let’s give it some time, see if it can work itself out before we get involved.” They don’t like quick change—so it will take a lot of persuading if you want something new from them. In a dispute, Rocks are non-assertive; they will listen to another’s complaint, but won’t necessarily defend you.
You should:
•Be loyal, and demonstrate your sincerity and reliability
•Give them time to respond to your needs
•Help them make decisions. Since they don’t like to make decisions, and especially confrontational ones, it may be up to you to make some of these decisions.
You should not:
•Expect them to stand up for you or be assertive to others on your behalf. It is not that they don’t like you, they just aren’t wired to take that kind of action.
•Take them at face value. Because they work hard on being fair to others they may not tell you what they are upset about. You need to be proactive, read between the lines, and set the example of open and honest communication
•Be rude, abrupt or demand immediate action on something.
•Expect change to happen quickly, it’s a slower process for the Rock.
It definitely takes effort to connect with people these days based on their needs and not our own, and yet it seems we already do that with those we care about. We see the potential, the uniqueness, and don’t question if their habits, styles or methodologies are different from our own. Perhaps the one style we don’t notice as much as others though is the Rock. They don’t demand attention, often blend in since they really don’t want to be noticed or singled out, and are often the quiet, overworked, highly empathetic and very loyal people we take for granted. Watch closely, and if there is a conflict or a need to be met, you’ll often find the Rock is the one that comes to your rescue!
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