Most of us create high expectations for the New Year, planning to make appropriate changes to have more of whatever we feel was lacking in 2009. Maybe we want more peace of mind, or money, or companionship, or a job that offers less stress or just a job period. Maybe we want to lose the weight or gain the muscle or get the degree.
Whatever we plan to work on in the New Year, I’d like to suggest that a great foundation could begin with giving ourselves two gifts.
First, the gift of forgiveness. If we decided to give ourselves forgiveness for anything we did during 2009 or earlier we can then extend that forgiveness to everyone we meet. When I first wrote about FIDO (forget it and drive on) people use to ask why we should ever forget or forgive. My response was always the same, if we focus on anger we are attacking others and ourselves. It’s only by letting go that we can focus on what we want. Thoughts take the path of least resistance, so our job is to maintain the focus of what we want, never what we don’t want.
And the second priceless gift to give ourselves is to let go of judging others (I know, it doesn’t seem like an easy task to do). When we decide not to judge anyone for their behavior, then we will give ourselves peace and the energy and inner wisdom to truly accomplish our goals for the New Year.
When we judge it feels good and righteous. Sometimes I find myself thinking how could someone do something a certain way, and thank goodness I’m not like that. But when I’m thinking that I’m using good energy again to think negative thoughts. How much more productive it could be if I used that energy to focus on what is important to accomplish instead.
Years ago I was working with a colleague on a program about having the courage to apologize, and I remember thinking of one woman who had been very angry with me about something, and we had parted in a very negative way. I decided to call her and apologize, and I remember thinking I would expect no specific outcome. If I had called and apologized and expected her to gush about how wonderful I was, then I would still be angry if she didn’t reply in the way I wanted. Letting go of any expectations, I didn’t have to worry about manipulating her into liking me. I just wanted to apologize for the anger I had had and to let it go. I left a voice mail message and thought that would be the end of it.
To my amazement she called back and said she missed me and could we have lunch together. I was very surprised since I had placed no need for an outcome and frankly didn’t think I’d ever hear from her.
We received gifts for the holidays and we gave gifts. Now is a great time to give ourselves gifts that will really help transform our lives and those around us. We have nothing to lose by giving them a try. We are responsible for choosing the feelings we want to experience in the coming year. Our state of mind is our responsibility. And what better way to feel than at peace, free of anger, loving and joyous. May this be a great year where we use our insights and tools to teach ourselves, and in the process help everyone around us. Happy New Year!
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