Skip to content

The Amazing Meteor!

Monday, February 1, 2010

For the last couple of weeks I’ve talked about something all of us know but sometimes forget, the power of treating people the way they want to be treated. It doesn’t matter if we’re brilliant, educated or charismatic if we alienate someone who doesn’t like how we treat them. AND, we can be treating them wonderfully from our perspective. Of course it’s never our intent, it’s the impact we make on someone, it’s their perception that counts.

Let me give you an example of an amazing “type,” of individual that I call the Meteor (brilliant, blazing, full of light and energy…get the picture?). It was quite a while back and I can’t remember the details, but I’ll never forget the incident. I was in a long line of disgruntled people waiting for their rooms in a hotel somewhere. There were probably a hundred rooms being held, and guests with confirmed reservations were being turned away or sent to other hotels. And the worst thing was the hotel staff had no idea when rooms would be available, who would stay and who would go. There was total pandemonium.

Like everyone else I was annoyed, tired, and felt miserable. I was right behind a man who hadn’t said anything, just kept his place in line. When he got to the clerk he flashed a big smile and said something like “I can see how frustrated you are, and I’m not expecting anything. Just tell me what I need to do and I’ll get out of your hair. It really must be a rough day for you.” And I watched the woman’s body language go from hunched over, ready for yet another confrontation to open and positive. She started smiling, she spent extra time with this man, and wonder of wonders, he walked away with a room key even though no rooms were available.

This man personified the Meteor, he had exceptional people skills. Meteors love to talk, and their enthusiasm, creativity and passion influence others easily. They love the cutting edge and so embrace new ideas. However, these types seem allergic to paper and detest detail. For team spirit and company innovation they are great leaders, but Meteors have poor follow-through. They need to be noticed, get the majority of their energy from being around others, and can be more creative in a group than sitting in an office by themselves. They are social, like approval, and enjoy freedom in their work.

Downside of a Meteor: Their spontaneity and impulsiveness can wreak havoc on any meeting or project. They tend to forget to tell you when they’ve changed a meeting date, perpetually forget what they are responsible for at a meeting, and will avoid detail at any cost. They are the big picture people, not the people who follow through, so it’s been said of them they jump in the pool, and then look to see if there’s any water!

Upside of a Meteor: They are charming, fun, will be more open to change and new ideas. Because they are empathetic and build rapport, they will immediately see your strengths and be encouraging mentors and always open to new ideas.

You should:
•Give them their detail in tiny bits and pieces. New information each day or twice a day instead of information on Monday for the week. If you chose the all-at-one-time approach you might as well toss everything in the wastebasket, it will be almost totally ignored.
•Help them focus on what is necessary, and help them set specific goals from this perspective.
•Remember the importance of a positive attitude around Meteors, and realize they are actually more sensitive than they appear.
•Praise, genuinely, what you like that they do, this is very important to them.

You should not:
•Give them rules on what deadlines they must adhere to. Instead give them parameters, helping them adjust their creative, spontaneous nature to more of a structured environment.
•Control their schedules too tightly or give them too much detail. It will strangle their creativity and will not create the trust you need to work together.
•Expect them to dwell too long on even serious issues; they have their own system of solving problems.

Meteors just know how to get it right when dealing with people. They are invaluable in smoothing ruffled feathers, getting a team to rally to an idea, calming down a divisive meeting or keeping morale high. And all they need is encouragement, attention, and others to help with detail and follow through, thus allowing them the freedom and creativity to inspire others.

Remember, the next time you’re stuck in a frustrating situation, trying to figure out how to survive and get through all the turmoil, look around. Somewhere you’ll find an individual who is smiling, talking to others and drawing a crowd, radiating positive energy and getting exactly what he or she wants. We can all learn from the amazing skills of a Meteor!

Filed in Superhero Resources | Tagged | Comments (0)

Here comes the Judge?

Monday, January 25, 2010

Last week I talked about the education one can get watching people in an airport. We are all “hardwired” differently, and it’s an ongoing process to figure out what people need and the smartest way to communicate with them. At the end of the week, after working in rain soaked California, I ended up spending many more hours than I wanted in another airport waiting for a delayed flight, due to inclement weather. Again, watching the dynamics of people was fascinating. My client and I were together and we observed people who adjusted to the delays, seemed more resilient and acclimated to the situation. And at the same time there were many others who handled the stress in quite a different fashion.

I want to talk about the one group who would not easily adjust to any change, the Judge. And before you think I’m going to be too hard on this group, let me tell you, I’m 90% Judge. In fact after moving from New York City to Reno, my daughter nonchalantly commented, “people aren’t going to like you in Reno mom, you talk too fast.” Her perception of Judges is relatively negative based on the type A behavior she sees.

The Judge is possibly the most misunderstood group of all behavioral styles, since they get lots and lots of bad press. Here’s what you’ll see in a Judge: They get things accomplished in a cut-to-the-chase manner. They prefer action and quick decisions over discussion, details and planning. The Judge can be brusque and abrupt. His or her favorite slogan is often “just handle it,” as they are professional delegators. They are apt to be judgmental, demand perfection, and know they are right. They are poor listeners and have short attention spans. The Judge’s candid, pragmatic approach works well in some leadership positions, but his or her autocratic manner may put off team members.

Downside of Judges: They tend to alienate those who don’t think and act like them; they are very direct and to the point and can annoy or anger or hurt feelings rather easy. They take control so there isn’t a feeling of team effort or camaraderie as there is with other types, and they are impatient and will interrupt, change directions, and be highly critical or judgmental at times.

Upside of Judges: Perception is reality, and perception can be deceiving. Once you get past the bravado and short attention span and pushiness of the Judge, you have the opportunity to create a fantastic relationship with this type of individual. You can figure the person out where many others will be intimidated. And once you earn the respect and trust a Judge will listen to you, possibly above all others.

Don’t forget, your Judge colleague may seem to forget all sorts of important things like your birthday, your surgery, your raise. It’s not that Judges don’t care, it’s that they have tremendous tunnel vision, they just don’t see things, so you need to remind them.

And if the Judge is truly focused on a problem or issue, you won’t be noticed, not at all! The Judge can also inspire trust in others from the leadership perspective since Judges usually have a track record of following through and getting results when most others can’t. Finally, in order to work most effectively with a Judge, here are some tried and true observations.

You should not:
• Attempt to be too friendly. Certainly don’t be rude, but don’t come in looking for ways to bond and build rapport with the Judge by asking about his family or her vacation. It won’t work, and will surely backfire
• Take his or her behavior personally. It’s NOT you, it’s how the Judge is wired (to be abrupt, to the point and not very friendly) and you don’t have much of a chance to change that behavior, so why bother.
• Use emotion as an argument at anytime, anywhere.
• Expect them to eventually come around and be friendly; it won’t happen during office hours. You can have great conversations with them, but keep it all business.

You should:
• Address the issue without emotion
• Use stats or simply state what needs to be addressed; facts and figures are useful.
• Tell them the most important thing first; they’re apt to ignore the rest.
• Use body language and tone that are confident, but not arrogant.
• State needs and questions directly. Don’t ask a Judge if he can get around to something, say what you need.
• Be sure you think and talk in bullets, and keep anything that isn’t business for after hours.

When we remember to get to the point, state what is needed or what the Judge needs to know and then get out of the way, we will create rapport, respect and a long term relation by speaking the Judge’s language. After all, in the Judge’s eyes there is no other language around anyway! Have fun with this, and see just how effective you can be working with this very interesting personality style!

Filed in Superhero Resources | | Comments (0)

Look around you!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Not long ago someone told me about a doctor in her area. Seems this physician had absolutely no people skills and therefore was abrasive to all his patients. BUT he was a fine physician. So he and his office created a working scenario: immediately after he left the examination room, his assistant came in. Now she was a very savvy people person, so she smoothed any ruffled feathers, made the patient feel special, important and ended the examination on a very positive note.

We have different skills, we’re talented, creative and smart in so many ways. Our job is to recognize the abilities of others and how we can best communicate with them. And as I mentioned in last week’s blog, I’m going to share some great info on working more effectively with people through my Omni-Linguistics program.

Today, just an overview. And by the way I’m writing this sitting in an airport where weather delays seem to have increased the number of people and decreased tolerance and patience. Perhaps the best place to observe personalities/behavioral styles, is to watch people under stress. It’s a great perspective on who demands results, who settles in and has a drink, who starts to work, who looks to help others or who just puts a baseball cap over his face and goes to sleep. Amazing how unique we all are, and how we handle the same situation in different ways!

First style we’ll talk about, beginning next week, is the Judge. The Judge gets things accomplished in a cut-to-the-chase manner. He or she prefers action and quick decisions over discussion, details and planning. The Judge can be brusque and abrupt and his favorite slogan is “just handle it”; he’s a professional delegator. Judges are apt to be judgmental, demand perfection, and know they are right. They are poor listeners and have short attention spans. The Judge’s candid, pragmatic approach works well in some leadership positions, but her autocratic manner may put off team members. Judges have high levels of testosterone activity in the brain, leading them to be competitive, direct, and always tell it like it is. Consequently you never have to worry, as you do with some types, about what the Judge really thinks; he or she will tell you bluntly and to your face. As you can see we can really dislike these people or misinterpret their behavior and feelings, yet they can be absolutely wonderful. Mother Teresa was a judge (according to a colleague who worked with her for many months in India). We’ll have lots of fun discussing the endless possibilities of working effectively with these interesting people.

Next, we’ll look at the Meteor. The Meteor loves to talk—and does so all the time. In fact these people do so much of it they rarely listen. But their enthusiasm, creativity and passion influence others easily. He or she will almost always be found at the water cooler or break room entertaining all who appear, as they are very fun-loving. Meteors love the cutting edge, and so embrace new ideas. The fast-pace of change and a go-get-‘em attitude makes the Meteor the fast-moving, bright, shiny object of the office. However, these types seem allergic to paper and detest detail. For team spirit and company innovation they are great leaders, but Meteors have poor follow-through. In a confrontation, expect them to “go for the win.” They are assertive and not afraid to get what they want. They are fun loving and a natural magnet for others, and at the same time a challenge to work with effectively. Their motto is often, “let’s jump in the pool, and then look to see if there’s any water!”

After the Meteor we’ll focus on the Rock, an absolutely wonderful type of individual. the Rock is the sort of person who others find cooperative, responsible, reserved, logical and patient. They are great listeners—everyone goes to them. Because they are fair-minded, they seek to create harmony among others. Diplomatic and dependable, everyone likes to have the Rock on their team. But Rocks also have their problems. Rocks tend not to delegate, preferring not to burden others. They don’t like quick change—so it will take a bit of persuading if you want something new from them. They hate being put on the spot and because they don’t care for confrontation they won’t tell you what’s wrong. For all of these reasons and others, this terrific group of people can also create the greatest problems, you never know where you stand with them, which can sure be a challenge. We’ll find a variety of intelligent ways to work much more effectively with these great people!

Last but not least we’ll discuss the Detailers. The Detailer focuses on the quantitative. He or she is the sort who one might call perfectionists. They tend to be controlled. They like to have everything in writing, needing all documentation for any situation—paperwork is their friend! They are critical thinkers, like rules and the enforcement thereof. They tend to be sequential thinkers —meaning they start at the beginning and work their way linearly through a problem. Detailers are the least likely to “think outside of the box.” They are usually non-assertive in the workplace and non-responsive in a confrontation. This means they will avoid stress and people who cause it. For any project requiring a painstaking approach, it is important to get the Detailer on your side, for they are prudent, task-oriented and systematic. The Detailer can often be the most complex to work with effectively, and therefore we’ll talk about this amazing, intelligent and unique group of individuals last.

Have a wonderful week. And if anyone is reading this from an airport somewhere remember to look around you, and for the fun of it see if you can begin labeling people in one of these four categories. It’s an interesting exercise, and a fun way to pass the time while you’re waiting!

Filed in Superhero Resources | | Comments (0)

Four Little Words

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Like me, you’ve probably heard different stats on what percentage of work-related problems stem from communication issues. Some reports say 70%, others put it as high as 90%.

Regardless of statistics, when people can’t work toward the same vision or get along with each other, they typically aren’t able to find a common language to communicate in.

Of course it also means they probably don’t want to communicate with each other because they don’t like each other. And why don’t they like one another? Because somewhere along the way one person probably communicated something to another that sent up a red flag, or a whole group of flags.

Something was communicated negatively (albeit perhaps innocently) and ever since, anything that comes from Person A to Person B will be interpreted as “bad.”

Communication is the foundation for everything we build, and is always open to interpretation. Let me give you an example. Recently a woman in one of my seminars told me how “bad” her supervisor was. When questioned on exactly how he was bad, she replied that he never said good morning, never asked how she was, and was totally focused on business from the moment he stepped through the door.

For many of you reading this, you’re probably wondering what she was complaining about. It’s easy to see that this person had a set of values and beliefs based on someone being friendly, being interested in her as a person before any work was done. Therefore her interpretation of a “good” supervisor came from those values.

While this doesn’t seem like a big deal, if everything her supervisor did reflected an attitude of not caring (from her perspective), then trust, honesty and a whole lot of other values necessary for a good relationship would be lacking. We have to speak the same language if we’re going to be successful; it’s that simple.

There are many good programs on the market to help people decode the mysteries of all those other languages—verbal and nonverbal—that we speak. I’m very proud of my program, Omni-Linguistics, which is a simple, powerful and transformational approach to deciphering the communication enigma, broken down to four little words: Judge, Meteor, Rock and Detailer, the four ways we communicate.

We tend to gravitate toward those we feel we’re most alike; we’re in our comfort zones. And if you think about it, the more we can create a bond based on similarity in speaking, the easier and quicker we’ll be able to work effectively together. So whether we’re persuading a clerk to help us with an exchange, getting a teller to give us guidance with a transaction, closing a big sale or convincing a business group to think differently, speaking the same language creates a trust that enables us to be more open and empathetic. Omni-Linguistics means “ being” that person temporarily. It’s not about mimicking or pretending, it’s about understanding why it’s necessary to communicate a certain way with someone, and respecting the need of the individual to receive communication from that perspective.

Not one of us questions why it’s necessary to speak German if we’re in Munich or French if we’re in Paris. But every day we speak with a colleague, boss, taxi driver, friend or someone else and wonder why on earth they are behaving in a certain way based on something we said. We take offense, we get frustrated, we waste some of our energy on being upset, and we end up not getting what we want. When we take the time to understand a person’s need for a different form of communication, then we can begin the transformational process that can create strong relationships wherever we go.

From this blog on we’ll look at the four words/behavioral styles, and how to create a system that enables us to communicate with authenticity, integrity and success when we’re talking with anyone. And for now, until my next blog, ask yourself if there is anyone in your business or personal sphere that always seems a thorn in your side, or at least a challenge. Look at how you interact with others, communicate information, spend your down time, send an email or motivate a friend. Then look at the person in question. Do you see vast differences in how that person communicates information, sends an email, motivates a friend, etc?

I realized a long time ago that simply understanding that there are major differences in communication isn’t enough. I can remember feeling frustrated numerous times when dealing with a colleague, and mentally categorizing all the ways I was being open, understanding and professional. I would tell myself I was using all the right language and still we were at odds.

Then some small voice would remind me to stop and check our behavioral styles. Am I a Judge to her Meteor, frustrating her with my abruptness, or a Rock to his Detailer, frustrating him with my inability to precisely give him all the data he needs?

To create a new and lasting change in behavior—to see the brilliant simplicity of communicating with each other from a place of respect, letting others speak their preferred language style—we need to clear up the debris of old thinking.

So here’s to those four little words…they can transform everything about how we get along in this world, and how we build relationships in this promising new year!

Filed in Superhero Resources | Tagged , | Comments (1)

Let’s Hear it for Two Year Olds!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

I don’t have the luxury of being around my two year old grandson nearly as often as I’d like, and so every time I’m with him I marvel at how he approaches his little world.

During the holidays my daughter and I took him to a children’s museum in San Antonio, which had this amazing replica of a grocery store with plastic food and miniature shopping carts. It was nirvana for two year olds!

We were enthralled with his approach to this adventure, getting to act like a big person and shop all by himself. He immediately put six plastic carrots in his cart, along with one box of sausages and four packets of fruit desserts. And he did it nonchalantly, roaming the aisles like he’s been doing it all his life. He never looked around to see if other toddlers were gauging his accuracy or if he were doing it “right.”

Watching him approach something he’s never seen or been allowed to do before with such enthusiasm and abandonment made me think of how much we tend to change our mindset from the resilient, flexible mentality of a two-year-old to our often staid, grown up attitude on life.

Isn’t adaptability and resilience all about approaching something new or unexpected with a sense of excitement and confidence? And if this is an innate ability we all posses (assuming all of us were two years old at one time) then isn’t our job this year to start reminding ourselves we have the ability to change our perspective on change?

Deepak Chopra, in one of his lectures, talks about the ability fleas have to jump two to three feet high. Yet once they are confined for a period of time in a six inch jar, the lid can be removed and they never jump out. They are conditioned to learn and accept limitations.

Let’s look at this New Year as an opportunity to release limitations. Start with the premise that change can be pleasurable, which certainly must be the mantra of every two year old. And if we believe that our ability to be resilient comes from a change in our attitude, then let’s close today’s blog with some fun, “what if” questions:

What if you were six to 10 years old, how could you look at the change you’re facing in this New Year? Could you find it an adventure? Could you be less judgmental of yourself and make one of your resolutions to step a little more outside your comfort zone?

What if you were looking back from the year 2015, what great insights would you share on being the best person you can be this year, and at the same time less fearful of new opportunities and change?

What if a bell rang every time you did something, what would it be? Would it be a validation of doing something you believe in (complimenting a colleague, thinking positive thoughts in a negative situation) or would it be a gentle reminder of what you want to stop doing?

What if you worked for free because you were independently wealthy? What would you do at work (yes, you are still going to work) to encourage others to embrace change? What is your second right answer?

What if one of your jobs this year was to help others at work have more fun, what would you do? Make it mandatory to sing during a morning meeting? Give everyone silly string and let them spray it if they liked someone’s ideas? Run a creativity meeting that encourages thinking outside traditional lines to solve a current problem, and include koosh balls, construction paper and other “toys” to help stimulate creativity?

Finally, what if you chose to gain insight from one other person whom you respect, who would you choose to go to for advice? Would it be a favorite teacher, favorite boss, TV personality, celebrity or someone you admire from history?

Adaptability is an art and a mindset. We find mentally old people everywhere, who think that doing something in a different way is a fundamental crime. Those are the people referred to in the quote “People die in their 20’s, they just wait till their 80’s to be buried.”

And for the rest of us who wish to remain mentally flexible and resilient in our ever-changing world, why not, at least for a little while, try thinking like a two-year-old!

Filed in Superhero Resources | Tagged , , | Comments (1)

Now for the good gifts…

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Most of us create high expectations for the New Year, planning to make appropriate changes to have more of whatever we feel was lacking in 2009. Maybe we want more peace of mind, or money, or companionship, or a job that offers less stress or just a job period. Maybe we want to lose the weight or gain the muscle or get the degree.

Whatever we plan to work on in the New Year, I’d like to suggest that a great foundation could begin with giving ourselves two gifts.

First, the gift of forgiveness. If we decided to give ourselves forgiveness for anything we did during 2009 or earlier we can then extend that forgiveness to everyone we meet. When I first wrote about FIDO (forget it and drive on) people use to ask why we should ever forget or forgive. My response was always the same, if we focus on anger we are attacking others and ourselves. It’s only by letting go that we can focus on what we want. Thoughts take the path of least resistance, so our job is to maintain the focus of what we want, never what we don’t want.

And the second priceless gift to give ourselves is to let go of judging others (I know, it doesn’t seem like an easy task to do). When we decide not to judge anyone for their behavior, then we will give ourselves peace and the energy and inner wisdom to truly accomplish our goals for the New Year.

When we judge it feels good and righteous. Sometimes I find myself thinking how could someone do something a certain way, and thank goodness I’m not like that. But when I’m thinking that I’m using good energy again to think negative thoughts. How much more productive it could be if I used that energy to focus on what is important to accomplish instead.

Years ago I was working with a colleague on a program about having the courage to apologize, and I remember thinking of one woman who had been very angry with me about something, and we had parted in a very negative way. I decided to call her and apologize, and I remember thinking I would expect no specific outcome. If I had called and apologized and expected her to gush about how wonderful I was, then I would still be angry if she didn’t reply in the way I wanted. Letting go of any expectations, I didn’t have to worry about manipulating her into liking me. I just wanted to apologize for the anger I had had and to let it go. I left a voice mail message and thought that would be the end of it.

To my amazement she called back and said she missed me and could we have lunch together. I was very surprised since I had placed no need for an outcome and frankly didn’t think I’d ever hear from her.

We received gifts for the holidays and we gave gifts. Now is a great time to give ourselves gifts that will really help transform our lives and those around us. We have nothing to lose by giving them a try. We are responsible for choosing the feelings we want to experience in the coming year. Our state of mind is our responsibility. And what better way to feel than at peace, free of anger, loving and joyous. May this be a great year where we use our insights and tools to teach ourselves, and in the process help everyone around us. Happy New Year!

Filed in Superhero Resources | | Comments (0)

Watch out for the lollipop!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

“Beware the lollipop of mediocrity. Lick once and you suck for life.”

Sounds like something out of a bad fortune cookie, right? I read that proverb recently and it reminded me that as we go into the New Year with high expectations and plans to create positive change, looking for ways to be more resilient and open to new ideas in developing successes, maybe we should think about the lollipop of mediocrity.

Let me back track a second. There are those of us who get excited about new ideas and will jump headfirst into something (kind of like jumping into a pool on a summer’s day, and then checking to see if there’s any water in the pool). We tend to be the burst of energy that fades quickly because we don’t want to always take the time to implement our brilliant ideas. And then we get frustrated with those people who want to question our purpose, analyze our data, extrapolate more from what we said than we intended and then analyze the process until we forget why we got excited in the first place.

As we look at how to create quality in the New Year perhaps it includes a broader vision, an understanding of the importance to have both tolerance and respect for the “other” styles of people out there, those Judges, Detailers, Meteors and Rocks (the foundation for Omni-Linguistics, my program on speaking to anyone in their language) who think so differently than we do. But to create a high degree of quality and not slip into mediocrity just might mean using the talents and strengths of others who are very, very different.

It’s easy to get frustrated with the person who jumps and doesn’t have all her ducks in order (like water in the pool) before she launches into why something should be done. And if you’re like her it’s frustrating to hear all the reasons why something can’t work. Yet it’s equally annoying for someone to take your idea and start to run with it without consulting you, or passively sitting back and waiting for you to tell him what needs to be done (isn’t it obvious, you think).

The magnificence of our species is our unique (albeit frustrating) differences that keep us passionate, dedicated and much of the time confused about why someone else isn’t seeing the world through our lens. Yet our lens can’t necessarily yield the wonderful quality that comes when a variety of personality styles with very different thought patterns and talents come into alignment.

Is it ever easy? Definitely not. For me the lessons are always out there. I date someone who, when I ask how his day goes, will typically say “fine.” And when I ask if anything new or fun happened will probably say “no.” The Detailer has no reason to expound, yet someone like me who is used to responding to either of those questions with at least two paragraphs, may wonder what’s wrong with his day or why is he so reserved. Until we can truly understand someone’s language, how they PREFER to communicate, relax, rejuvenate, motivate, celebrate and handle business, then we’re blindly hoping others will play nicely with us. As we recognize and understand how to effectively reach someone without worrying about getting our needs met first (remember Stephen Covey saying listen first to understand, THEN be understood?) then we create the infrastructure for real team work and communication. And from that comes the true quality and value within a project, so we’ll never have to go down that path of mediocrity!

May your holidays be exactly as you want them to be this year

Filed in Superhero Resources | | Comments (0)

Can we really snap out of it?

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Ever felt mentally stuck? No matter how much you try to focus on what you want your mind ignores you and dwells on the negative, on what you’re worried about? There have been times I’ve tried to focus on what I wanted to accomplish and my mind felt like I was mentally swimming through concrete and seemed to snap right back to where I didn’t want to be.

In looking at how we retrain ourselves mentally it’s interesting to look at how we define resilience. One definition talks about an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change, to jump back, with a synonym of elastic. And when I think of elasticity, I think of a rubber band that snaps back or a yoga master who has such control over her body there is a beautiful elasticity as she contorts into her lotus or other positions.

Of course if we went to our first yoga class and tried to follow along with an extensive routine, we might be in trouble physically. But if we were up to continually stretching and focusing on attaining the positions, eventually we would get there. Yet so often we see people we work with who fight to protect their right not to bend or stretch mentally, arguing against anything new that might force them to mentally limber up. By the way it’s been said we think 60,000 thoughts a day, and 90% are repeats!

As we prepare for the New Year and strategize on our future successes in 2010, it’s a great time to realize the power we have to control our thoughts and gently guide them toward a more resilient mindset.

In his book Evolve Your Brain, Joe Dispensa reminds us we are what we believe. Change how we see ourselves and we change our outcome. He explains that in his studies of neuroscience it’s been proven we change our brain (that 100 billion cell organ of ours) just by thinking. And when we rehearse failure and mentally focus on limiting thoughts, we strengthen what we don’t want.

My Super Power Elasticity reminds us of the necessity of stretching outside our comfort zones in order to be as adaptable and flexible as we need to be to succeed. So here’s a fun (and possibly tiny bit painful) exercise.

Think of something that is a problem right now that you’re dealing with. Let’s not make it too big, but still an annoyance of some sort. Ask a colleague to watch where your eyes go when you think of this problem. For instance, if you’re thinking of a major deadline that is troubling you, do your eyes go up and to the right? And if you are thinking of person who drives you crazy, do your eyes go down and to the left? Once you know which way your eyes go put a rubber band on your wrist.

Next, think of something that makes you happy, makes you feel good (for me it’s usually sitting in the forest with my dogs, smelling pine, feeling wind through my hair and sunlight on my face).

OK, here we go helping the brain create a new perspective on a problem. As you start to think about the negative issue snap the rubber band on your wrist, say “stop it” and put your eyes in the opposite direction from where they were when you thought of the problem. Follow that up with a few seconds of focusing on the thought (resource state) that made you happy.

Of course all you’re doing is rewiring so that instead of dreading the meeting/person/situation you’ll be open to hear the conversation or alternative ideas. And will it happen immediately? Nope. But tenacity always pays off here, and you can absolutely change your perspective on something.

And if this sounds quite crazy to you, stop and think of how hard it is NOT to think of a purple elephant if someone came up right now and said not to think of one. We get stuck with old thought patterns. Yet the brain’s natural capacity of neuroplasticity, to rewire and create new outcomes, is amazing. We just need to help our thinking along a bit.

Amazing what we can create, how resilient we really are. Have fun changing your mind on something today. Let me know how it works, and if you find a small red mark on your wrist from the rubber band (as I have from time to time) it just reminds us of how deeply we can obsess over something we don’t want. How much more productive we are when we create what we do want instead!

Filed in Superhero Resources | Tagged , | Comments (0)

And the blame goes to?

Monday, December 7, 2009

Have you ever found it easier to blame someone or something other than yourself? I certainly have. For example if my relationship isn’t going as planned, it has to be his fault for not being a good enough communicator. And if there’s tension between business associates, it’s always because “they” are not really seeing the issue correctly; it’s always their fault.

Granted there are all sorts of circumstance where it sure seems that someone else is at fault and we’re doing everything we can, but then perception is always reality, isn’t it? What if every time we felt annoyed, hurt, needy, disappointed, ashamed, or any other emotion that limited us, we viewed it as a gift to help us learn where we need to heal, grow, or close any wound that has injured us and stopped us from growing? How much might we learn if we saw our frustration as something that originated with us, and no one else.

As long as we focus on how someone “made” us mad or angry or frustrated, we’ll keep looking somewhere “out there” for the answers. And unfortunately (and I only say unfortunately because that’s where our work lies) the answers lie within each of us.
When we are healed of whatever wound makes us feel insecure, unworthy, hurt or some other emotion, then we can clearly see what others need, as well as what it takes to empower others with what they need. We are always the teachers and we always lead from where we stand. And when we take the time to understand where we’ve been stuck and then allow the discomfort that it often takes to heal, we will lack for nothing; and we can simply use our understanding to help others who haven’t reached our level of awareness. It’s been said there is nothing more powerful than a person who needs nothing. This does not mean a person who has locked up his feelings and fears, but someone who is aware of where satisfaction and happiness originate.

With this self knowledge we are ready to step back and appreciate the uniqueness of people we encounter personally or professionally, without getting caught up in the emotion if they happen to be people we disagree with on specific issues. In my new book there’s a chapter that helps us interpret how people need to be treated, called Omnilinguistics, the power to speak with anyone based on what he or she truly needs. This clarity comes when we first understand what we need from an emotional perspective, and have the courage and vision to pass on the knowledge.

Why not decide to communicate with others more effectively in the new year, based simply on giving people information in the way they need to get it (otherwise they probably won’t hear it at all, only their version of what we intended). It could be a year where we no longer play the blame game, and more importantly if we’re willing to do the work, it could be the year we finally heal old wounds and get clear insight and inspiration into working and playing with greater energy, clarity and compassion.

Filed in Superhero Resources | | Comments (0)

Permission to Lighten Up!

Monday, November 30, 2009

Ever notice that sometimes, the harder we try the less we seem to accomplish? And have you ever noticed that sometimes, when you’re relaxed, laughing, focused on your goal but without the worry or stress that often accompanies deadlines, you get much more accomplished?

As we examine how we can be smarter in 2010, how we can really adapt and change to become everything we want to be, then perhaps it starts with knowing what’s important to us. What do we need to add to our lives or take out in order to feel like we’re really making a difference, and being the best we can be? What can we change that will help us laugh more and have less stress? And how can we possibly be a great manager or fabulous father or wonderful friend if we don’t start first with ourselves?

Did you know the average four-year-old laughs 300 times a day, while the average adult comes in at a measly 15? William James said we don’t laugh because we’re happy, we’re happy because we laugh. So what if we decide to invest the time in ourselves to see what really matters to us, what gives us the joy and passion to be everything we know we’re capable of being. Think of how much more productive we might be.

And once we look at what we know matters– not what someone tells us ought to be important–then our goal is to model the Hero who has single-minded vision. Remember it’s been said if there is a lack in our life, it’s because there is a lack in our thoughts. Monitoring what we are creating mentally (of course we create everything first in our minds, then in the physical world) our job is to continually keep our focus positive. In my latest book when I write about the super power Elasticity, we want to remember that every time we think something negative about our goal IMMEDIATELY replace it with the positive thought. Pretty soon we’ll start to be amazed (at least I have been) at how often we start to sabotage our own success by thinking back to the “what if it doesn’t work” mentality.

Between now and January 1st hold onto a thought/goal you want, and every single time your mind starts to wander to some negative place pull it back. Not only will it get easier and easier and you’ll see some pretty amazing results, but you might even start to have a little more fun in the process.

Last thought for the day…a banner on the side of a church said it best: Thou Shalt Lighen Up!

Filed in Superhero Resources | | Comments (0)