Regardless of statistics, when people can’t work toward the same vision or get along with each other, they typically aren’t able to find a common language to communicate in.

Of course it also means they probably don’t want to communicate with each other because they don’t like each other. And why don’t they like one another? Because somewhere along the way one person probably communicated something to another that sent up a red flag, or a whole group of flags.

Something was communicated negatively (albeit perhaps innocently) and ever since, anything that comes from Person A to Person B will be interpreted as “bad.”

Communication is the foundation for everything we build, and is always open to interpretation. Let me give you an example. Recently a woman in one of my seminars told me how “bad” her supervisor was. When questioned on exactly how he was bad, she replied that he never said good morning, never asked how she was, and was totally focused on business from the moment he stepped through the door.

For many of you reading this, you’re probably wondering what she was complaining about. It’s easy to see that this person had a set of values and beliefs based on someone being friendly, being interested in her as a person before any work was done. Therefore her interpretation of a “good” supervisor came from those values.

While this doesn’t seem like a big deal, if everything her supervisor did reflected an attitude of not caring (from her perspective), then trust, honesty and a whole lot of other values necessary for a good relationship would be lacking. We have to speak the same language if we’re going to be successful; it’s that simple.

There are many good programs on the market to help people decode the mysteries of all those other languages—verbal and nonverbal—that we speak. I’m very proud of my program, Omni-Linguistics, which is a simple, powerful and transformational approach to deciphering the communication enigma, broken down to four little words: Judge, Meteor, Rock and Detailer, the four ways we communicate.

We tend to gravitate toward those we feel we’re most alike; we’re in our comfort zones. And if you think about it, the more we can create a bond based on similarity in speaking, the easier and quicker we’ll be able to work effectively together. So whether we’re persuading a clerk to help us with an exchange, getting a teller to give us guidance with a transaction, closing a big sale or convincing a business group to think differently, speaking the same language creates a trust that enables us to be more open and empathetic. Omni-Linguistics means “ being” that person temporarily. It’s not about mimicking or pretending, it’s about understanding why it’s necessary to communicate a certain way with someone, and respecting the need of the individual to receive communication from that perspective.

Not one of us questions why it’s necessary to speak German if we’re in Munich or French if we’re in Paris. But every day we speak with a colleague, boss, taxi driver, friend or someone else and wonder why on earth they are behaving in a certain way based on something we said. We take offense, we get frustrated, we waste some of our energy on being upset, and we end up not getting what we want. When we take the time to understand a person’s need for a different form of communication, then we can begin the transformational process that can create strong relationships wherever we go.

From this blog on we’ll look at the four words/behavioral styles, and how to create a system that enables us to communicate with authenticity, integrity and success when we’re talking with anyone. And for now, until my next blog, ask yourself if there is anyone in your business or personal sphere that always seems a thorn in your side, or at least a challenge. Look at how you interact with others, communicate information, spend your down time, send an email or motivate a friend. Then look at the person in question. Do you see vast differences in how that person communicates information, sends an email, motivates a friend, etc?

I realized a long time ago that simply understanding that there are major differences in communication isn’t enough. I can remember feeling frustrated numerous times when dealing with a colleague, and mentally categorizing all the ways I was being open, understanding and professional. I would tell myself I was using all the right language and still we were at odds.

Then some small voice would remind me to stop and check our behavioral styles. Am I a Judge to her Meteor, frustrating her with my abruptness, or a Rock to his Detailer, frustrating him with my inability to precisely give him all the data he needs?

To create a new and lasting change in behavior—to see the brilliant simplicity of communicating with each other from a place of respect, letting others speak their preferred language style—we need to clear up the debris of old thinking.

So here’s to those four little words…they can transform everything about how we get along in this world, and how we build relationships in this promising new year!